It gets complicated when all they see are photos to convince the "friends" list of your imaginary happy life. And I also have an imaginary girlfriend who disappears whenever she wants to without a care of my feelings. So much for evidence-based love.
And sometimes it is hard to lie. My body has been telling me that by giving me all the shit to bother me like obesity and insomnia.
***
I have been taking benadryl almost every week to sleep.
***
Worried about being a good father. Trying my best. Feeling bitter that I am not always available because I don't have a home in legazpi and I can't afford to always go home. I hope Dylan and Art feel my struggle and see my sacrifices. I constantly think about this.
***
I always worry that I'll die before I can even record all the best songs I have.
<But what best songs? People don't even read your lyrics. They still think you are an old grumpy fraud.>
***
I am glad that the songwriting session with the band turned out well. We didn't discuss goals but still, a good start. That has been bothering for weeks. Felt like I've gone through a breakup. But I've learned way enough to not rely on the good times.
So yes, I need to form another band so I won't be held back. Lots of materials. My death clock is ticking.
Mad Tangerine?
Tanjirine?
Between Tangerine?
***
The benadryl is kicking in. Hope it will promise me good dreams.
