I cry when I do certain acts of kindness to anyone. I get overwhelmed by the intensity of the act that I can't even pretend to show that it is not a big thing.
Maybe because I am naturally a cruel bitter person.
I have been crying my hearts out every 3am in the morning about nothing. 3 nights in a row. Just this loooming emptiness that I can't figure out.
Last night, Vishnu stared at me with a seemingly curious but loving expression that I burst out crying.
I am that fractured.
What do I need?
Whenever i think of therapy, I can't even imagine what to tell the concerned person because I already know the questions and corresponding answers
so what's the use?
It is the lack of real friendship in my life.
It is the lack of forgiveness in my part for myself.
it is the resentment of not being the best in every situation
and just regretting what I said or did.
It is the shame of my angry outbursts against my loved ones.
it is the lack of creative expression in my art that is making me think I am not as good as I thought I was.
It is the suddent realization that my kids are growing up without me
and the fear that they won't need me in my life.
It is the lack of resources in my arsenal to make Mawhi stay.
It is the lack of God.
No comments:
Post a Comment