Hopeless Case

Nov. 25, 2022

7:44 a.m.

How much more can I take?

I just learned about imposter syndrome and maybe that's what I am going through. 

Yes I am not sure because even classifying under a recognizable disorder, I feel I am not worthy.

Validation shouldn't be expected from others but we are built that way so I learned to accept that as social beings, everything is left to judgement of the world.

I just want to feel I belong.

I just want to feel loved.

I just want to feel that I affect and inspire people more than I assume in my head.

Fuck nobody even cares about what my music is about, and we have a lot of thrash getting the attention they don't deserve.

I kept finding myself in this cycle and not by lack of trying to get out — there is a sense of acceptance that to finally be happy and be out of financial constraints and be accepted, I need luck. Divine intervention. A sudden magical plottwist.

And that's one hell of a prayer.