Falling Out of Grace

 This is what having a relationship with a narcissist feels like:

You are left wanting. You adjust to her own time. You can't really move because without her even saying it, all action is upon her approval.

She makes you believe that the "secret world" you created with her is better than reality— making you feel like the toxicity is part of the deal. She makes sure noone will hear your cries for help—as nobody knows.

You convince yourself that despite all clues pointing to her lies and infidelity, and she can't even give you a proper excuse, you'll hold on. You defy reason. 

She'll bombard you with sweet gestures. She'll clutch her nails on you. She'll disguised obsession with love. Your addiction is her drug. 

She'll keep you guessing, as you swing with her moods. Everything is a push-pull catastrophe.

She is the criteria you need to please. She is the only standard that is all-knowing and right. 

She'll push you to your worst, so there'll be evidence that she might be innocent. But oh, innocence is the farthest thing from her. She knows what she is capable of.

And lastly, she'll justify with pride that she can't be hurt and that you put yourself in that position. She will deny gaslighting you. She will deny your existence. She will make you the villain.