Half-Year Report

 I wrote a song yesterday.

But it was an old song that I forgot that lyrics. It got a better chorus though. Can imagine it having a Jens Lekman vibe. I wonder if anyone would dig that. I am being genuine with my love for words, but not everyone reads.

Sent it to a lot of people. Needing validation. When will I realize I am good?

Am I though?

I miss dylan and art.

Two very different personalities. 

I love how I am so much like Dylan in the anxious-sentimental type who is into good movies and pop culture. 

Art craves attention and doesnt care if what ever she does is perfect — she just wants to perform and express her uniqueness. 

Both like me.

How fascinated I am how these angels came out from my own DNA.

I miss watching movies with my kids. I mean we still do but sometimes I feel that I am forcing them to watch me. I know they like my selection, but they wont be 100% focus.

Maybe I just miss having a real girlfriend who I can totally geek with.

Speaking, where is she?

I am feeling lonely back here.

Been having breakdowns again. Crashing. Remedying it by reading the bible. It helps a little.

That London girl is hurting me a lot. I know there is no good end in sight but why do I stay? That's how battered my self worth is. It is toxic and yet I hope it will get better.

Not that I am saying I am perfect. 

I am narcississtic too. But I feel that I am being fooled shamelessly. And being the hopeless romantic that I am, I keep waiting. I keep staying...WHY WHY WHY