...

I am breaking down more than usual.

What do you do when you have been trying to be a better person
but she can only see you from what you were: a trigger.

I know I've changed. Damn I know I did.

People may scoff against the idea of leaning to Christian faith
in times of need,
but I have been praying. a lot.
It helps.
I mean who else can ever have the patience
to listen to my litany in this season
where everyone has their own battles to face.

I always thought that I was faking this sudden move to impress her

but I have caught myself kneeling down so many times
weeping, calling out His name, without an audience.
It gives me comfort. Enough to get me through the day.
Before I crash again.

Oh Lord.

Oh what I can give for a little peace of mind.
For a little joy.

Back to square one.

I wept like someone died
when a friend told me about getting closure
from an old flame today.
I cried for his win.
I cried in envy.
I cried for what I've lost.
I've cried for doing my best
For 2months
and in just a day,
I was erased.
I cried because I know
I have changed.

I honestly don't know now what is real.

I have to pour out everything here
'cause I can't contain it much longer.

Blogspot has long been dead.
Perfect for an anonymous cry for help.

I pray to be better. Please.