Munching on honey-drenched pancakes from Jollibee, I
realized I have been putting off my blogging for quite some time now. Might be lack of time. Or focus. Or interest. Whatever it is, Sigmund Freud will not
bat an eyelash over these excuses but will instead ask me: Why are you holding
back?
What am I holding back?
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| photo by: Mary Whitney Ballen |
So to brush off the cobwebs that have formed between us, my
dear readers, it is customary to start off with mundane things.
Mcdo will be dead without their fries and pickles. There, I
said it. People may dismiss my taste buds as of poor Filipino taste who only
relies on pungent fried scents and MSG-flavored delicacies, but you have to
admit, everything in Mcdo tastes the same. At least, Jollibee has more menu
items to choose from.
That is not to say that Jollibee is the best fast food for
me (that distinction goes out to Sbarro and Mr.Kabab – see, I have good taste!)
but we need to set the record straight before all hell break loose.
There’s a lot in my mind right now.
I sobbed a few days ago over a silly argument but it was
enough to make me feel that the world is using my shoulders as a balance beam.
And after one long conversational prayer, there it is – a faucet leaked. No
plumber to fix it. I guess sometimes we should keep the water running to clear
the clogged pipes.
But there are clogs that no liquidsosa can ever melt.
No one is immune from being causers of corruption. I
remember having this discussion with two friends and they were quite adamant
that even if they are appointed to public office, they will have their values
intact – that they will not be part of any scams happening in the government. I
dismissed that as being naïve. I believe that the politicians we have now (not
counting those living off nepotisms) started off as idealistic individuals who
want the best out of their cities, and eventually their country. Something
happened along the way. They were caught in a system that will never be deconstructed.
I’m quite sure everything started off as free buffet or free drinks to small
incentives then grew into a bank account. Or two. Or five. Who knows where you
got the whole sum – might be from an honest venture or a kickback, but
combined, it becomes a blemished dot. What is a few hundred thousand to a
billion?
And you, my righteous friends, will be deconstructed along
the way. We don’t know how mind-bending the pressure is in that setting, so have
your conscience intact. That’s what will keep you human. Even the church
insists that everyone is a sinner, and call it by another name, but it is the
same even for atheists. Everyone makes mistakes because everyone is imperfect so
everyone’s a sinner.
One thing to understand: Life is a tedious battle of being
the lesser evil.
That brings me to friends who wallow on their own trauma
that they cross you out for not appearing sympathetic to their repetitive
mistakes. To doubt empathy – what good does it make? I can spit out different
personality disorder clusters to classify whatever it is that one is doing
wrong, but will it help? I can only pinpoint the instances and give it a name. Only
you have the choice to turn it around. Remember the “teaching to how to fish”
bit? Tough love, baby.
Patience, yes. I am learning to practice its art so I can be
a good friend to all, but I will falter eventually since it is not my nature. Same
to everyone who has their tics. But let’s throw out the match, shall we?
Burning bridges can also defile the river below it. You might burn yourself in
the process without meaning to.
With that thought in mind, someone is playing The Moffatts
in the office without irony.
must. practice. patience.
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