My mommy cat Rangu has been extra clingy. She's always hanging out beside me or leaning on my right shoulder. I wonder what it feels like to have someone warm to be in her place. I can sleep around, but I know the difference of real human company.
Cried twice today. Did not wail. Just teary-eyed over a sermon from Elevation Church, and now, the decision to take another benadryl pill just to sleep.
I crave for peace of mind, but I am quite convinced that it will take this lifetime to even feel that. My mind gets scrambled just thinking of the possibility — and this is not even an exaggeration.
I have been jealous of the success of others.
I have been envious of the warmth of friends who are always available.
I have been angry over people who easily earns money and are born to privileged homes.
I have been depressed over the fact that I have nothing --- all just fleeting hints of possible joy.
I was never depressed about turning 40. I am quite confident actually that I look good in this age. I have been receiving genuine awe that I don't look my age and I cling to those compliments because those are all I have.
And my cats.
No comments:
Post a Comment