5 a.m.
Woke up after less than 2 hours of sleep because of a suicide dream.
Kids are on the top bed in my old room in iriga. I lie in my thin solo bed on the floor.
Had a milo and ful medammes with bread.
Cried over a prayer through a Bible app.
I am trying to be conscious and be more present with my kids. I haven't been messaging anyone, even ignoring long convos with friends.
I notice that I am now a little off...not used to touchiness, which I need to initiate. The kids need hugs. I need hugs.
I also need to talk to Art more than just laugh over silly jokes (but I hope those laughters will create fond memories).
I hope Dylan also feel that I care a lot about her thoughts even if I playfully debate her over scenarios.
I want to be happy.
Hope I am doing the right thing.
I want to be remembered
not only for songs,
but for little moments of joy.
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