GREAT EXPECTATIONS

I was never a safe bet. 

Consider this : I have two kids. I have been married. I am a stubborn, liberal arse
who doesn't bow down to any unrealistic idealism. I am a poverty-stricken brat. and I am half-Palestinian. 
A concoction of danger, eh?

So I find it ego-boosting that girls find me as the perfect key to their adventure time.
I mean who doesn't want that. Without being too overly-moralistic, that can be the best testosterone job
in the whole wide world.
But like any cycle, that too can get repetitive, boring, redundant and pointless. 
The romantic in me would resurface and gasp for air.

I treasure that ability to breathe despite of the choking parade of smoke.

I never claimed to be a saint. 
In fact, I constantly laid all my cards down the table at the start of every relationship.
I am a sweet talker but I don't fake. 
What you see is what you get -- that rings true to me.

I find it disappointing when expectations don't match, 
or there have been expectations and they started piling up 
because you did this or that when this or that is just an action to fit the occasion.
May it be an act of real concern or giving in to urges.
I try to ignore it because you can't just ruin it for them.
I guess that's my fault too. 
Then again, friends do that naturally (at least for the "care" part).

I do feel sad for friendships that deteriorate because it was based on those expectations.

Especially when they point out that they have been "always there". 
That's what friends are for, isn't it?
What a waste.

It becomes apparent that I was the one being real for all those times 
while these so-called friends were hanging on to those expectations that were never considered or even promised to them.

I am a stubborn, liberal arse
but my arms are still wide open for real friendships.
You know, those kinds that stay with you for the long run
 in happiness or in gloom.
Without those shady expectations too.